Five Stages of Grief

Death and Dying 

In 1969, Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a pioneer in the death and dying field wrote the first of many books, called On Death and Dying. In this book, she wrote about the different stages of grief. In the years to come, these stages have been applied to any type of grief, from divorce to losing a job. 

The five stages are: 

1. Denial 
2. Anger 
3. Bargaining 
4. Depression 
5. Acceptance 

If you've been given the news that you're dying, shock is a natural reaction, even if you might have been suspected this. To suspect is one thing, to find out for sure is another. This shock is often followed by denial, a feeling of "No! This is not, cannot be happening to me." You may feel the doctor is wrong, she made a mistake, it can't possibly be true. 

Anger and bargaining 

Denial is often followed by anger. How can this be happening? What did you do to deserve this? This just isn't fair, why me? After anger, the bargaining begins. Some people pray and say that if they don't die, they'll do something in return; they'll be a better parent, better spouse, better person. When they realize that the bargaining won't work, depression may set in. 

Depression and acceptance 

Depression comes when the anger and bargaining stop, when it becomes about what they they will lose, leave behind, and how those they leave behind will manage. And then finally, after all that range of emotions, comes acceptance. Acceptance that death will happen and nothing they will do will stop it. 

Not everyone experiences grief the same way 

While Dr. Kübler-Ross believed this, many people don't go through all the stages of grieving or they don't follow the pattern. They may go through a few of the emotions, they may go through them all, or they may return to one of the stages and go through it again. Some only get part way through them. In fact, it's been reported that Dr. Kübler-Ross herself didn't go through the stages as she had been preaching all these years.