Same-sex Couples at End-of-Life

People in same-sex relationships in which one partner is dying may face some problems that heterosexual couples do not. 

At the end-of-life, difficulties may come from family, friends, healthcare staff, and after death, in the funeral home and at the cemetery. Even in the best of circumstances where same-sex relationships are welcome among family and friends, different issues can come up when someone is dying. 

Secret relationships 

Many homosexual couples hide their relationships from family and friends. In situations like this, when a crisis occurs, such as a fatal illness and approaching death, the interaction with others can be awkward and difficult to manage. 

Limited private time 

If the couple wants to keep their relationship hidden, the person who is dying may have difficulty finding time to spend with his or her partner and the partner who is being left behind cannot openly show his or her grief. If the couple does decide to break their secrecy at this time, other relationships may be strained or even broken because of the news of the relationship. 

Families with children 

Same-sex couples who have children may run into other issues. The remaining parent may have to deal with children who are having a hard time coping with their grief. It may be their friends and the adults in their life, such as teachers, likely don't have experience in dealing with grief in an alternative family. This can put an extra burden on both the child and the parent. 

Professionals 

When it comes to healthcare, professionals are expected to provide good quality healthcare to everyone even if they don't share the same beliefs. However, it's always possible a gay or lesbian couple may come across workers who don't understand the relationship and may make it difficult for the couple to get special time together. 

After the death 

These types of issues can follow after death. In some funeral homes, there may be resistance or difficulty in accepting or understanding the same-sex partner's role. In situations where the family has not accepted the same-sex relationship, the surviving partner might not be given the opportunity to help with the final arrangements and may not even have any say in the final resting place. This can spill over into other death-related issues, such as the obituary, where blood relatives can choose to not include reference to the surviving partner. There have been cases where two obituary notices are run: one by the blood relatives, one by the surviving partner. 

Grieving 

If the relationship was kept a secret to the end, the remaining partner may have problems with grieving. Because it may be important to the survivor to keep the secret, he or she may not be able to grieve openly. The loss of a loved one is never easy, for those in relationships out of the mainstream, the loss can be much more difficult to bear.