Speaking for Your Loved One

As a caregiver to someone who is dying, one of your roles may be to speak with the doctor or healthcare professional in charge of the care. Some people don't have any problems speaking with healthcare professionals while others feel intimidated or unsure of themselves when discussing health and medical issues. 

Tips

Be prepared before your appointment 

It's easiest to speak to someone if you are well prepared. For some people, this means making lists, doing research on the Internet, or discussing issues with other people. Writing things down does make a lot of sense because you are more assured of not forgetting something important. 

Take notes during the meeting It's ok to take notes during a doctor's visit. When there is a lot of information being discussed, it's easy to forget something. By writing it down, you can twig your memory about what was said. Some people bring tape recorders or digital voice recorders to ensure everything is on record. Be sure to let the doctor know that you are taping the session, if you are. 

Bring someone with you 

Another way to be sure that you heard everything is to bring someone with you - a friend or family member can act as a second pair of ears, perhaps helping you clarify issues that you don't completely understand. 

The first visit 

The first visit is important to help you understand what is happening and what the doctor foresees as happening. Here are some issues that are important to bring up: 

• Diagnosis - make sure you understand the diagnosis; ask if there is any literature or information the doctor can provide. 
• Causes - what caused the illness/disorder/disease? 
• Tests - will your loved one need more tests? What type of tests? What is the preparation for the tests? What are the tests for and what will they tell you? 
• Treatment or therapy - what treatments or therapies has your loved one received so far, and what treatment or therapy is recommended now and in the future? 
• Effects of treatment - how is the treatment administered and what are its effects? What are the side effects, if any, and how can they be managed? 
• Progress - how will the illness progress and what should you watch out for in terms of signs and symptoms of deterioration? 
• Accommodation - what kind of accommodations will you have to make in the home to care for your loved one? What types of services will you need? 
• Placement - Will placement become necessary or possible if the burden of care becomes too heavy? 
• Prognosis - what is your loved one's prognosis? 

Follow-up visits 

Follow-up visits are to monitor your loved one's progress. As with the first visit, be sure you are prepared. Discussion may include: 

• How your loved one is progressing compared to others in similar situations 
• If medications and/or treatments are effective or need to be changed 
• New issues that may have arisen since the previous visit Extra help if needed 
• The doctor's perception of how things are going and where they are headed 

You are part of the team 

Remember that you are part of your loved one's healthcare team and for you to actively participate, you need to know what is going on. Keeping the lines of communication open between you and the rest of the team will make things easier for everyone all around.